Simple please.

mood: just teary.
reason: the blog eludicates each aspect of the question why.

one simple thank you, one little smile, just one please? i try everyday to get that without giving any subtle hint for any sexual interactions. i feel so distant from you now, from everything we do together, its not US its a you and a me. i walked around today crying, trying to suck it up and deal, but it just sucks. i would love to see you more than one hour i would rather have you kiss me on the forehead and cheek more than once, or hold you. i miss holding you and you know what i did when i held you? i pray, i pray that i would never have to give US up. i try to do it everyday, if not i just hold you and pray. but i guess its just lagging it a bit right? need to think positive right? i'm pushing myself, i really am. i want you to be in my arms again. i know youre tired, i understand, i know youre probably drained, but it doesn't take the worlds effort jsut to give me a hug, a kiss, something to remind myself that YOU LOVE ME TOO. though i would never forget that, i need reminders, or helpers. its like me living in new york and never having contact with you, scary right? i'm hands down in love you with you boy. i had my future set on you. and the most powerful thing about it is i know my future is going to be good with you.

you know i carry around the cd i gave you, i carry our green notebook "jabemg" rereading everything and it makes me smile for the day reading jsut ONE section of notes. i love it. i want to be a part of your life, not just a whatever girlfriend. i want to be joshua's girlfriend. because right now i feel like a friend youre force to talk to. and pretty much it drags and kills me everyday.