My Future, My Past, & My Present;

Everything seems so complicated, every move I make is completely wrong. Everything I do seems to be a mistake, I'm serious I'm making mistakes every turn I make in this relationship. All I want to do is say sorry all the time, but that would be annoying & will get old. Its like our love is a single candle, trying to avoid the daily breezes, trying to mange to get through the day without dripping every single droplet of wax, the only thing that could stop this is time and we're loosing that faster than the wax dripping. I hope this makes sense, basicly...we're trying to make this work and everything in the world is stopping us, well probably just me because hes an incredible boyfriend. I feel, not as if I'm getting left behind, but I'm not sure how to explain this. We had a talk while we were finishing up our meal and its just hitting me. I'm going to make sure I'll do everything right, I'll try because its not that I won't have a promising future with him, I promised myself I will, I just have to really push these days because things aren't going any slower for me.


I miss everyone. Once I get my lincense, I'm driving to San Fran and staying there for a week, visit some relatives, take everything in and just leave and go back. I really need a breath taking scene where I can sit and stare for hours and then just fall asleep because I need something to take me away and make me realize a lot. I'm stuck here in Oxnard filled with drama and I'm ready to leave and go and just...live life. I know life isn't that peaceful, but I'll find away for everything, thats my promise to everyone, to him, and myself. I promise I'll make everything better. If not, I'll deserve everything I get.

goal of the week: keeping myself together and not to fall apart,

and learn how to finally think positive about everything